Baseball is a funny game. Just when your team seems to look lackluster, disinterested, and flat out full of suck, suddenly your best power hitter finds himself up with the bases loaded in the bottom of the 9th while trailing by three runs. A grand slam would win the game but that would be Magic Kingdom esque right? Not something that would happen on a night where the Indians stranded more runners than nervous breakdowns Nancy Grace has had since the Casey Anthony verdict. But we like storybook endings, especially in a championship starving city where all we can do is play out dreams of past playoff appearance's outcomes being different from their realities. So yes, we could say what if he hits a home run to win this thing? Well I'll be a son of bitch, it happened. Travis Hafner delivered his 12th grand slam of his career at the fast approaching AARP (baseball) age of 34. The WWE fan delivered the ultimate finishing move to the Toronto Blue Jays in what has been a season of 9th inning finishes that rivals that of 1995.

but you were gone in a blink of an eye errrrr a billion blinks, but close enough.

Chief Wahoo is to the Indians what Charlie Sheen is to Two and a Half Men. Ok, humor me, but in all seriousness, unfortunately the Indians aren't obessesd with "winning" as much as Charlie Sheen aka Ricky Vaughn and Charlie Harper are. The Chief hasn't yet been totally removed, but he's been sent to the room next to the room containing the kid's table. The next step : the attic, but not with Aerosmith or Clark Griswold's family videos, but in a box caked with dust destined to end up on Hoarders or Hardcore Pawn never to be seen again.

If only they could leave Jake Delhomme there. I wonder if any Browns players will hug Lebron while they're down there? It seems to be a new Cleveland tradition. I haven't decided if I'm going to watch this game or get caught up on some cleaning and laundry so I thought I'd write a pre-game article for a change.

Browns vs. Dolphins sounds almost as bland as the meals served at the late Boston Market, or as a friend of mine used to call it, Boston Hospital. Eric Mangini vs. Tony Sporano. Sounds more like the guest speakers at the Youngstown ITAM (Italian American War Veterans) spaghetti dinner or a couple of guys running a craps table at a stag.

But back to sports and non playoff teams. The Dolphins come in at 6-5 and the Browns arrive in Miami with a record of 4-7, and were inches away from losing to the 1-10 Carolina Panthers last week. The Dolphins feature Chad Henne at quarterback, another quarterback in what is starting to be a long list of Michigan quarterbacks that never beat Ohio State. Henne has a mediocre (and that's kind) 11 touchdowns and 12 interceptions on the year. I smell an interception or two, Joe Haden maybe?

The no talent ass clown in the picture might have just as good a shot to beat Pittsburgh as Colt McCoy. And Colt McCoy could very well be on dancing with the stars in a couple years.

Down to their 3rd string quarterback, the Browns will head to Pittsburgh Sunday in what looks like the equivalent of an Ohio State vs Miami of Ohio or any other MAC school matchup for Pittsburgh. In other words, it's the closest thing to a lock as you'll see in the NFL. Rarely do you see 14 point spreads in the pros, but that's exactly how many points the Steelers are favored by. The Steelers are Goliath, Clubber Lang, Mike Tyson in his prime, and the YouTube version of Kimbo Slice all wrapped into one. The question is, do the Browns have any David, Rocky Balboa, Buster Douglas, or any fill in the blank UFC fighter in them?

coltmccoy
Browns training camp has begun and it's as if Colt McCoy was drafted by another team. You have to dig deep and sit through interviews with Jake Delhomme, Josh Cribbs, Mike Holmgren, Seneca Wallace, TJ Ward, and even Peyton Hillis before you get to any news on Colt McCoy. Ok, maybe I'm being partially facetious, but the spotlight is definitely not on the rookie QB, and that's a good thing.

Shortly after the NFL draft in late April, Browns team President Mike Holmgren announced that he had no plans to play Colt McCoy this year, but that it would be a sit, watch and learn kind of year. Based on the majority of rookie quarterbacks over the years that have been thrown into the fire and imploded, this decision makes perfect sense. The Browns finally have a guy in charge who really knows football that has seen this plan unfold nicely. Better late than never. All apologies to Tim Couch.

I am by no means saying that Colt McCoy will be a star in the NFL, let alone an above average quarterback, but I do think sitting him out this year, gives him the best chance at having the opportunity to succeed long term.

What happens when you disrespect a billionaire? You get hung out to dry in a letter of utter disdain for the whole country to read. Why was a letter like Gilbert's so awe-inspiring? Because billionaires get disrespected about as often as Cleveland teams win championships.

The only people who thought Gilbert was out of line so far have all been from the four lettered, self-proclaimed worldwide leader in sports, ESPN. Of course no one from Bristol, Connecticut is going to have Gilbert's back, they wouldn't dare lose any in's they have with the King without a ring. The only person who's had the balls to call a spade a spade has been Gilbert, and other outlets in the Cleveland media, but only after Gilbert blazed the trail.

Dear Mr. Lerner,

After ten years of playing pin the tail on the donkey to pick your players and coaches, and even general managers, you finally saw the light. You hired a football man to run your team, such a novel concept huh? Did you need to sleep on that for a decade? Just sayin’. I’m giving you an A for the move of bringing in Mike Holmgren as team President and Tom Heckert as General Manager. Much like your tribal neighbors a couple blocks away, it looks as if your team is headed in the right direction.

Your quarterback situation is still a little cloudy. Jake Delhomme is two days older than dirt, Seneca Wallace isn’t a starting quarterback, and Colt McCoy isn’t ready, but again, an A for effort picking him up where you did in the draft. At the very least, Jake can teach Colt some of the ins and out of the NFL game, even though his best years are behind him. And Seneca Wallace can be used with Josh Cribbs to mix things up a little bit here and there and keep defenses on their toes. As mediocre as it is now, this position is better off then the days of Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson by far. That should give you an idea of the level of terrible those guys were at.

Dear Cleveland Indians,

I have assessed the performance of your ball club both on and off the field over the past few years. You seemed to have your stuff together for awhile there, but even being the Indians in name, it is not okay for your ownership and front office to continue to blow smoke up your fans hind ends.

Your acts of frugality are similar to those of other elder statesmen who have held this office. They took a little extra cash to their grave, but not a World Series ring. I think you get my drift Mr. Dolan. Your continued signings of stiffs, oops, no disrespect to said elder statesmen, but your continued signings of the likes of Jason Johnson, David Dellucci, Trot Nixon, Jake Westbrook, and Travis Hafner show a sign of fiscal irresponsibility that only the national debt could also stake claim to. The monies saved from making smarter business decisions could all have been put in a kitty to help fairly compensate the likes of Carsten Charles Sabathia, Clifton Lee, and Victor Martinez.

I know it’s more than just a hockey game when my 63 year old father is looking forward to watching, and has been watching most of the hockey games during this Olympics. I know it’s more than just a game when patrons at bars ask to turn the hockey game on, both the men’s and women’s games, as I have seen happen over the last couple weeks. This is about reliving nostalgia for those who were around for the 1980 Gold Medal team‘s “Miracle“ run. And it’s about wanting to experience that same feeling for those of us who were too young or weren’t around then. This is the kind of thing the brings generations of sons and fathers together creating memories that become part of family lore. More importantly, this is a message to the world that hockey isn’t a secondary sport in the United States anymore, but one we can excel at, and even be the best.
It’s almost time for the opening face off, winning twice on enemy territory won’t be easy, but I think if anyone can, it’s this group of relentless young men. No matter what the outcome, they will put forth an effort to be proud of.
My in game thoughts from the penalty box:

and possibly in all of sports radio and media.

-He doesn't care if you like him or not.

-He doesn't take too many phone calls. Yes, even your calls "Mr. Intellectual, Soccer guy" usually are unnecessary. Too many calls from mouth breathing booger eaters can only bring the show down.

-He doesn't conduct too many interviews, and the ones he does, the people will at least talk and have something interesting to say. Too many interviews to me is lazy and no one wants to hear cliches everyday, and for the most part, a lot of coaches and athletes are boring.

-His stock is rising. Like all good, successful and ambitious people in life, he has branched out into bigger things. His show SportsNation is an example of that. I think alot of listeners are taken aback by his brash tell it like it is style because they feel insecure about the boring and ambition-less lives they lead. Life's true 'playas' get it.

-He has a great rapport with producers Amanda Gifford, Vince Kates, and Board Operator, "Wacky FM DJ", ok, former wacky FM DJ David Fisch.

-He is not afraid to tell you your program is lame and eroding, i.e. Michigan, Notre Dame, and Virginia.

-That flashlight song and Little Wayne coming in from breaks.

-He knows soccer is a joke and isn't afraid to say it.